Pain. What an UnFun thing. Wouldn’t recommend it. Would hide from it if it would be helpful. Would never seek it. It finds me. It finds the majority of us from time to time.
With scleroderma, it can and has visited quite frequently. The main culprits for me are finger ulcers. Ouch. Lack of blood circulation and blood not reaching the end of my fingertips due to too much collagen production and tight skin with contracted blood arteries, the fingers get ulcers and the skin dies and the nerve endings can scream from a minor irritation to a full blown throbbing. I did say ouch already. And how I feel just now, another ouch is appropriate. The pain keeps me from sleeping.
Pain. I have learned to be fearful of it and apprehensive.
I have learned to breathe into it and relax into it.
It has been several years that I have had no ulcers and this move, because of the amount of things I did with my hands, brought me them aplenty. I really thought I was done with them. I got my first one in 1977 at the age of 17. I was working in the afternoons at the electric company and in my senior year of high school in the mornings. I didn’t know what it was so I went to the work doctor – at that time the big Electric Company had their own on-site doctor and he gave me black salve and it made it worse. The pain was unbearable. It took 5 years of different doctors’ visits and at age 22, I remember sitting in front of a huge desk with a doctor telling me that I was allergic to myself and this was an autoimmune disease that will eventually kill me and I would be on medicine for the rest of my life. Well that was some information to walk away with and process.
Here I am alive and have learned so much living with dis-ease. I may not be able to use my hands easily or freely, I always hear myself say that I can still love. So, it is my goal to ‘still and always love’.
Pain teaches. Pain can lead to self realization and transformation. I’m grateful for how it has taught and encouraged me how to live deeply and in the moment. I am grateful that something in me chose to love from within and beyond dis-ease.
Fear of pain. Pain itself can be a powerful motivator, life game changer and can teach compassion, empathy and trust. Being one with my breath has become natural for me. Watching my thoughts and responses in everyday life and circumstances is who I have become and what I do. Sitting with pain and honoring it and loving myself through is what I have learned is the best way that works for me.
I find that life and healing, thoughts and reactions; my responses and ways are an inside job. Great to gather information and then process all through my own instinct, wisdom and love.
When You struggle with something and/or experience pain, may you reach out for information and guidance from doctors, professionals and/or other methods. May you always include your own wisdom, experiences and instincts along with your own loving truth and self-kindness.
To do so is like ‘the cherry on top’. The added bonus, the magical entity, the inside job that only You know and understand because You are the only one that knows the full and most true experience of You. This is your, perhaps, superpower(s); your best way to heal.
Healing doesn’t always mean full health . It does mean full acceptance and living the best of You through it all.
I wish You the deep peace of following your own wisdom.
Let You be the answer, the way, the power to live your best life. Amen.
Amen meaning It is so.
Noone knows the wholeness of your life and your experiences of living like You do.
May you always have the line open to your wisdom through your awareness, mindfulness, breath, openness, truth and your own love.
You, with outside information gathered and processed internally by You is the ultimate and best answer for You for each situation, experience, relationship and ‘pain’ that you experience.
Heal on through the uniqueness of your truth, your love, your mind and your gut answers. You were born with so much wisdom and ability for knowledge to heal what ails You.
Being You. your loving way, is the miracle that you just may be looking for outside of yourself. What if it is there within You as You open to loving and believing in the energy, heart, soul and spirit of You.
Letting go of habitual stress definitely dissolves some pain.
May you get to witness, bear and dissolve pain as it asks for your attention.
